


Shinji Ikari dies - A 3.0 Fan Fic with illustrations

by deathoftheself



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion, Rebuild of Evangelion | Evangelion: New Theatrical Edition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon - TV, Canon-Typical Violence, Hurt Stiles, M/M, POV Minor Character, POV Third Person, Time Loop, Time Travel, Time Travel Fix-It
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-04
Updated: 2016-10-04
Packaged: 2018-08-19 12:33:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8208187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathoftheself/pseuds/deathoftheself
Summary: Shinji Ikari has an prophetic vision. The events of which, seem to uncover secrets and trigger emotions he has no recollection of.The most prominent memories recovered, are those about Ayanami's identity and Kaworu’s existence and loss.Aware that he is meant to pilot, and that he will somehow be at fault for killing Kaworu, he finally meets with him...





	1. Chapter 1

A lump in his throat, he had done this before, just once though, but this time-- things where different, and he knew it.

 

Last time, he had the chance to show _him_ , show him that he was worthy of that little trust he had left in humanity.He was able to direct that to himself.Make him believe again.That he could redo.

That was last time...And, every time before _that,_  was different. _Today is the day, I have to convince him **again.**_

He strides in, hoping his heart doesn't give away his uneasiness. _That would be suspicious._

He finds him shaking, curved into a ball, head between his legs; crying; _again_.

"Shinji-kun..." he whispers.

Shinji acknowledges him, his sniffling comes to a halt-- but his body is still shaking.

_It always saddens me to see him like this..._

"Shinji-kun, please; _reconsider_."

"No."

Taken aback by Shinji's responce Kaworu falters, losing momentum.

He expected Shinji to be doubtful, yes, panicked, worried; but not like this.He was anticipating those reactions so that he could comfort him, tell him that no sin is too great to be unforgiven, that they can mend things, _together._

Shinji came off as calm and assertive, _all things considered._

_After all, he doesn't know what's to come._

 

Kaworu inches closer and hustles his hands out of his pockets, just a few centimeters away from pulling that cursed collar off of him.Just a few moments away from regaining control again.

Gently, he flops down on the mattress, he can feel the choker's runes coming undone.

_Just a femtosecond away from re--_

 

_A sharp pain?_

 

Shinji just clouted him away.

 

**“Don’t; touch it.”**

Shinji looks furious. Kaworu's initial uneasiness gave way to woe.He tries not to let his mask of benevolent smile to slip, but it does, he is frowning.

"I can explain, I mean no harm, I just want to -"

Shinji cuts him off abruptly.

“How did you know it would come off?” that sounded more of a statement, and accusation rather than a question.

Kaworu tries to form words but is interrupted once again.

“Stay away." he mutters. "It could explode in your face.”

Kaworu could feel himself feeling a wave of something unpleasant taking over him, it started with a sickening sensation in his stomach that went up to his throat, his chest feels heavy.He recognizes the feeling to be fear of failure, and failure means he will lose _him_.

Actively avoiding any unnecessary physical contact with Kaworu, Shinji blocks off a second less gentle attempt to remove the choker with an equally less gentle shove on Kaworu's shoulders.

Kaworu, stops.His mind racing.

_Touching him was a mistake, too soon, I rushed it, I was a fool, he must hate me, I pushed too far, and now he dislikes me._

He stands up,

overcome with dread but acknowledging that he cannot afford to lose more, he exits the room dejected.

Just as soon as the door closes behind him, Shinji can feel his eyes sting him, out come more, heavy tears.

 

With a loud thud, the SDAT is thrown on the wall.

 

Kaworu, who was lingering on the other side of the door considering his next course of action, hears it.

Astonished by the sound of the SDAT crushing, a tear makes it's way down his mostly collected face, surprising him.

_I just want to take it off you, I could just use my powers to sweep it off of you without lifting a finger, but there would be no point in doing so, if the craved result is not achieved, if you can't trust me, this won't mean a thing._

_We both die._

_And the moment you do;_

_I,_ _too,_ _give up._

_For life and death makes no great difference to me..._

_If it's without you._

 

 

He ended all coherent thought there.

He briefly attempts to break down the situation, to see it from an objective point of view; an outsider who is untouchable and nothing influences him, but the existential dread was only becoming clearer by the minute.

Clenching his teeth and fists he hustles away.

Shinji hears that and calls out his name, but nobody responds.

Realizing what he has done to Kaworu, he grieves and cries louder still.

 


	2. The hero's side of the story

Kaworu avoids Shinji to Shinji's dismay.

_This is more painful than I thought.But I have to keep him at a distance anyway...honestly, it's best if he gives me up altogether._

Thoughts like this littered his mind for days.

An unfamiliar ring, breaks the silence.

It's the phone inside his cold white room.

He picks it up nonchalantly, his eyes drained of emotion and tears.

"Hello."

...

"I understand."

He stands up and shuffles out.

He enters a wide dark space, faint blue lights frame a desk that comes in focus.His father is sitting behind it, and behind him, his advisor of sorts, Mr Kozo Fuyutsuki.

_I wonder what this is about, it doesn't seem like he would welcome me back or ask if I was treated well, he wouldn't, the only reason I'm provided with food and shelter is because he needs me._

"We require that you pilot our new Eva series to infiltrate a certain place and retrieve two spears with Kaworu-san".

_There it was._

_Of course he was asked to risk his life, even though he has just survived a coup d'etat of sorts by every single other person he knew in Nerv._

"I won't do this, never again."

"..."

Gendo removes his hands from his infamous pose and shifts to better look down on his only son.

"You will do as I say.You answered my call, and now you belong to us."

"That was Ayanami's call!" Shinji yelled.

" _If_ , you call that--that _thing_ Ayanami!"

"...Why do you refuse to pilot, Shinji?"

Shinji throws his hands to his sides, and slowly looks away from his father.

"I...just have a bad feeling."

"You are dismissed." Gendo commanded.

Shinji is useless to him.

"No.I want to know... Why did you do something so cruel as to clone Rei? Why did you have to make her after my mothers image, father?"

Gendo side glances Fuyutsuki.

Meanwhile, a dispirited Kaworu, is observing the meeting from afar, his body trembles in anticipation.He thinks no one knows he is present as well but alas, Gendo is quick to notice him and dryly calls him out.

Hesitantly, Kaworu approaches.

“Take it off” Gendo demands.

Involuntarily Kaworu shivers more intensely.

He reaches out reflectively to Shinji.

Shinji flinches as soft cold fingers make contact with his and shoves him off.

“You don’t understand!" he cries as he instinctively begins to run out of the room.

"This is _my_ sin and my sin alone!”

Gendo lets him go, speechless.

Kaworu’s eyes widen in surprise.

Moments later he notes that they never had _the_ talk.

Shinji should not know of what had happened to the world in his 14 years of absence.

Kaworu is about to sprint after him but "Know your place" "You are only allowed to live this long working for NERV because it's SEELES demand to assist and observe."

Gendo calls Kaworu on his counterproductivity . Kaworu bows down and apologizes, cold sweat and a clenching sensation in his neck.

He proceeds to go to his room slowly.From the shadows, Shinji watches him… ——————————————————

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fancier edited version of something I wrote on a whim on my Kawoshin art blog a while back.  
> I hope you guys enjoy, some segments are accompanied by art and gifs.  
> This is where my original resides, I will slowly go through it and make a proper fic out of it.
> 
> http://angsty-angst-angst.tumblr.com/post/116105977508/shinji-had-dream-of-kaworu-before-he-meets-him


End file.
